Positively Intense

Last Sunday, September 18th, I did something that, until very recently, I never would have thought possible.  I completed my first ever sprint triathlon, and actually, my first ever, (in  my 47 years of life!) real competitive sporting event.  Having grown up in a family that subscribed to the notion that sports were for boys only, I never played competitive sports as a child or teenager.  In collage, I wasn't prepared for any sport because of my lack of high school sport history, so I found aerobics, and thus began my journey in the world of fitness, which has brought me to where I am now, a 47 year old crossfitting mom of over 3+ years.

Inspired by the first WOD of the 2011 Crossfit games.....210 meter ocean swim, 1 mile soft sand run, 50 pull ups, 75 push ups, 100 air squats, and then another 1 mile soft sand run, I decided to sign up for a triathlon to see how I would fare.  Big time endurance not being my game, I looked for and found one that appealed to my abilities and sensibilities, a 400 meter open water swim, 12.5 mile bike ride, and 2 mile run. Awesome, I thought, those numbers are manageable, I'm a badass crossfitter, I got this, I was thinking about the protein shake I would have after the run as I did the online registration.

I did a bit of swimming in the pool to train, usually a half mile, sometimes jut the quarter mile I would be required to do on game day, and it all seemed good.  I was coming in anywhere between 8-8.5 minutes, and I wasn't wrecked.

Found out 2weeks before that Downingtown Pa  (where this tri was held) is a VERY hilly area, and that the bike ride would be challenging.  No prob, took the old Cannondale out for a few spins, even did the Amish country bike tour the week before, 50 mile loop, flat and pretty country roads in the Dover area, and ran a mile right after.  My legs felt like tree trunks with no joints, it was the most difficult mile I have EVER run. I'm not even to discuss the amount of pain that pulsated through my halix rigadussed, planter faciitist feet that day during the run that day, just think hot needles.  This is when it started to dawn on me that this triathlon stuff was nothing to scoff at.

The crossfit journal posted an article a few days before the tri entitled Staying in the Fight by former Navy Seal Mark Devine.  I read then article, and it struck a chord in me.  Up until this point, the voice inside my head during wod's was the voice of a bully, berating, denigrating, insulting and mean. Negativity oozed from my mind during wods, in a misguided attempted to push myself to the next level. Instead, I often found myself dejected, disappointed with my strength and performance, and unable to push passed the fatigue, which would then cause me to berate me more!!  Sounds like I should have called social services on myself.

This article discusses the power of positive self talk, and how to do it.  The first time I read it, some of the suggestions seemed almost silly, and I was surprised to read that the Seals, AKA the biggest bunch of badasses in the military, would engage in such goofy tactics......and then I read it again.  And I started to think about it.

The day before the tri, first timers were invited to learn how the transition area worked, drive the bike coarse, and jump in the lake and take a swim.  When I saw the distance we were expected to swim, I though there is NO WAY that is 400 meters, looks like 4000!!!  The lake looked huge, and murky, no clear water and black stripe to follow, and you had to swim to the start, and tread water till they said go, then you had to follow buoys which were about 100 meters apart. I went in the water and felt like a fish out of it.  WTF,  I thought, get your shit together, you've been doing this forever.... as everyone swam past me.  Not being able to see was so creepy, and actually claustrophobic for me.  We were allowed to swim to the first buoy and back, or back and forth a few times, just to experience the water.  I got to the buoy, looked back at how far away I was from land, and panicked.  My pride got the better of me, I forced myself to get my breathing under control, and I flipped on my back and headed back towards shore.  Halfway back I flipped around and front crawled the rest of the way.  I walked on shore shaken.

Then we drove the bike coarse, and whatever badassness I might have had left after the water experience  I practically pissed away, this wasn't just hard, it was SCARY, like a roller coaster ride, except I wouldn't be strapped in.  The entire 12.5 miles were hills, huge hills, the kind that aren't fun going up, and even less fun going down.  Holy Crap, what have I gotten myself into.

Came home that night, and went back to the article in the journal.  Now, I knew that I was physically capable of this WOD ahead of me, knew my stroke was strong enough for the water and distance that scared me, knew that my quads were ready for those hills that took my breath away, and 2 miles, even I can manage 2 miles.  But it was clear as pool water to me that my head needed a WOD, cause I came home Saturday scared shitless.

Read Mark Devine again.  Read Kevin Daigles Choose the Wrench.  Went to CFNE, Derick had posted an open letter to competitors of an upcoming throw down at CFNE about positive self talk, postiive visualization of the wods you're preparing to do, and he too, recommended the Mark Devine article, and a video of Gregg Admunson speaking on the subject which I watched.  The message was all the same, you can do anything you believe you can do, and there is great benefit in telling yourself....OVER and OVER that you can do it.  I went to bed, armed with positive mantras, ready to crush it.... and dreamt of drowning.     To be continued.....

Catch up.

I realized today that it's been somewhere around 5-6 months since I've been in my house, alone, for more than 10 minutes.  April I started, organized and basically managed a kitchen renovation project that had contractors in my house, every day, until the beginning of July......and then the kids were out of school, and it was off to the beach and where ever else they needed/wanted to be.  And while I continued to WOD and strength train, mostly at Crossfit Dover, occasionally at Crossfit Rehoboth, and a few times in my garage, blogging has been something I've had no time for.  So now it's time to catch up.

Things I did this summer: 1. deadlifted 305lbs (it was an ugly lift, but I got the bugger up!)
                                         2. strict pressed 117lbs (that was very cool!)
                                         3. back squatted 180lbs (that was hard!)
                                         4. watched the entire crossfit games, where the first wod included a 200 meter ocean swim, and another wod included a stationary bike ride.  So I signed up for my first sprint triathlon, coming up the end of September.  Have been swimming a bit, and just started biking.  I think it's going to be hard, but hopefully satisfying to cross this off my bucket list.
                                          5. Signed up for my first real Crossfit competition, the Mid Atlantic Hopper, held in Baltimore every year.  This will be the first time they are having a masters division, which is where I'll be competing.  Am nervous, and scared, hoping to minimally not embarrass myself!
                                          6.WODed a lot.  I mean, probably too much....9-10 days in a row, once I started swimming.  Am doing 20 pullups without dropping (fresh) did wod's with 60-70 hspu's in them (and mastered the kip on those)  ran a lot, and carried a ton of sandbags!!  Feel stronger, but also tired.
                                           7. Started using Progenix recovery after every WOD.  Have found I'm less sore, which is good, and overall feel better, generally less tired, which is probably why I've been able to wod so much.....

What I have not done:
                                   1. Learned muscle ups. Bleh!
                                   2.Gotten great at Double Unders.  Have gotten better, just not great. Yet.
                                   3 Gotten great at dips.  Am really working on this, every week.
                                   4.  Been to a doctor about my foot.  Can't put this off anymore, the Halix Rigidous has gotten worse, and it's affecting my gait in a way that is now causing pain in my heal and arch, feels like a possible sprain.  Have to get it looked at soon.
                                    5. Messed up my nutrition.  It's all good. Paleo except for the whey in my shakes and bars, am eating grass fed meat at least 2x aweek, lots of fruits and veggies, chicken and turkey, and too many nuts!!   Staying on top of the vitamins and fish oil as well.

So thats about it, am looking forward to this triathlon.....400 meter lake swim, 12.5 mile bike, 2 mile run, on the 18th of September, and then the Hopper, the weekend before Thanksgiving, as long as I stay healthy and injury free enough to play!

The Journey Continues

This weekend, Memorial day weekend 2011, is my one year paleo/zone anniversary.  I entered the zone  on this holiday weekend a year ago, kicking and screaming and lusting after margaritas, chocolate and sushi.  Two weeks prior to starting this experiment, I had done my Crossfit level 1 certification coarse.  During the first day of the cert, we were given a 10 minute time cap to do Fran, 21-15-9 pull ups and thrusters at 65lbs.  In those ten minutes, I got as far as 13 of 15 pull ups.....walked away from the pull up bars in total humiliation, angry and disgusted with myself.

Today, at Crossfit Dover, where I will be WODing for the next three months as I spend a large amount of time in the summer in Dover, I ran into Fran again.  It had been a while, and I was taken by surprise.  Had torn up hands and lats that were on fire from the WOD done 2 days prior that included 200 C2B pull ups, split among three of us, plus heavy shoulder presses done yesterday.  With all that, I managed to finish Fran in 6:08, rx.  For me, this was a big win and a great way to celebrate this one year anniversary.

Changing the way I eat has been a life altering experience for me on so many levels.  The obvious changes are the weight I lost (25lbs)  and the benefit of that weight loss, getting faster and stronger in the gym.  It's also been so empowering for me to exercise the control necessary to make the right choices, it hasn't been easy, at times I fought daily battles with my willpower, but I won much more than I lost, and that feels terrific.  At this point, nothing I can eat is worth losing the gains that I've made in terms of strength and power.  Interestingly enough, my palate has dramatically changed, foods I never even liked are the foods I crave, like cashews!

This journey I embarked on three years ago when I stepped into Dover Crossfit for the first time, a journey in search of health, fitness, the 300 lb dead lift and the sub 3 minute Fran has tested my discipline as a person.   It's been tough, at times discouraging, and at other time exhilarating.  So far,  I've done things I never thought I would be able to, like handstand push ups for reps in a WOD, run a 5k, or a 6:08 Fran, and as soon as I conquer something, the bar goes up.  It took about 5 minutes after the WOD was over today for me to start thinking about what I REALLY wanted to be able to do..... a sub 5 minute Fran!  And I will!

2012 here I come....

The opens have come to a close, and I survived the challenge.  In the end, I placed 73rd, out of 200 woman in the 45-49 age group, definitely not the number I was shooting for, but then again, if it were easy, there would be way more than 200 woman, world wide, competing.  Had some good weeks,  made it to the team leaderboard twice.....once w/ the squat clean and jerks, and a second time with cleans/toe to bars/wbs, so that was cool, then there was the over head squat week, which was a disaster (30 95lb oh squats, after 60 burpees...I got 3)   Highlights for me were: learning double unders for the first wod, practicing chest to bar pullups and getting through that wod with a respectable (for me) score, and just participating in something that was on such a large scale, and finishing, even though, early on in the competition there was a bright light being shined on my weaknesses....which are plentiful.  Am grateful I had this experience, as I've never done anything like this before, have never even been on a sports team, and hopefully, if my feet don't give out and I manage to keep the rest of my body injury free, I plan to do this again next year, in fact in my mind, am already training for next years opens!!  And next year, I plan to be better!

Let The Games Begin!

In fact, the games HAVE begun, we are on week three of the crossfit open sectionals, and after turning it around in my head for a while, I decided it would be dumb not to throw my hat in the ring.  Dumb, not because I have even a slight prayer of qualifying, but because it's such an easy process.  Don't misunderstand, the qualifying is not easy, so far the WODs have been killer across the board, but participating is no big deal, just show up at a box, have someone watch and count for you, and then enter the results online, where we compare ourselves,(in my case), to all the other 45-49 year old woman competing in the world.  So why not see where I fall in the pack!

Been WODing and lifting in the garage, and sometimes at the local globo......no rack in the garage yet, and the weekly lifts include bs, fs, sp, and dl, so a rack is needed for the first three, which I try and knock out on two days.  Wednesdays, I travel an hour away for my kids karate, since there's a box 10 minutes from where I take them, I WOD w/ that group, Crossfit Dover, on Wednesday nights.  The other two days am in the garage, just me and the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and it's been kind of cool.  I plan my weights and my WODs at the start of the week, get into the mindset about a half hour before, and blast the music and push as hard as I can.   I can drop the bar, curse, scream, and take my shirt off, 5 days a week, and it's all good.....

Tonight, I will be kicking out WOD 3, 5 minute AMRAP of 110 lb squat cleans to push jerk.  What that translate to for me is a 110 lb, clean, front squat, and push jerk, which will still be considered RX.  Am nervous and anxious, which is the way I felt before the last two WODs.  The anxiety from the last WOD came from not knowing how long I would last........it was a 15 minute AMRAP of 9 dead lifts at 100lbs 12 hand release push ups, 15 20' box jumps.  Knew I could do it all, was nervous about my gas tank, ended up with 8rds and 33 reps.  The first WOD was nerve wracking because of the skill.....double unders!!!!  It was a 10 minute AMRAP of 30 dbl undrs and 15 55lb snatches, only got 3 rds 30 dbl undrs and 5 snatches, the double unders slayed me.

Todays nerves are about weight,  110 is a lot for me to clean and front squat, the question that I keep asking myself is how many times can I fling that weight around for 5 minutes??  The answer will be determined by how focused I stay on keeping my core strong, my form good, and myself mentally determined.  It's 5 minutes, I can do ANYTHING for 5 minutes!!!

Change is Good

After 2 years and 8 months of driving 45 minutes each way, 3 to 4 times a week, to get to my box, three weeks ago Gary and I said, STOP THE MADNESS!  For a number of reasons, time, money, mileage (money!) gas (money!) tolls (money!) we decided that it was time to make a lifestyle change.  No, we are not giving up Crossfit, it's practically a religion at this point!  What we did do is quit our membership to crossfitfirststate, and we set up a box in our garage.  Mats, pull up bars, olympic bars, bumper plates, kettle bells, dumb bells, the whole shabang.  The commute to our box has been drastically reduced, and we are WODing regularly and together more often.  We have both been through our level 1 certification, and Gary has an endurance cert to boot.  We researched and came up with what looks like an awesome strength training program from the CF Journal, and we've incorporated that before our daily WODs.  The WODs  we do are a mix of the main site WODs, what we come up with, as well as what CF New England and CF Verve post.  We also belong to a local globo, which has rowers and a good amount of space and weights, as well as tolerance for us CF's, so we go there as well.  All in all, so far, it's been great, frees me up to do so many other things, and the garage has become my favorite room in the house!!  Do miss some of my WODing buddies, but sometimes change is good, and right now it's ALL GOOD!!

Crushing the Fear

So, the hamstring injury which has plagued my life for the past three months is much better, yet not completely healed.  I'm back to WODing regularly, RXing most of it, albeit moving a bit slower, and even more carefully.  I've become much more dedicated to stretching before and after WODing, but I find I have a nagging fear of re-injury that causes me to hesitate at times, when I did not before.  The desire to maintain  my bodies ability to deadlift,  squat, do pullups, hand stand push ups, and all the rest is so great, avoiding injury is a priority.  The mental challenge is to find balance between staying safe, and attempting to JUST PICK THE 275 POUND FUCKER UP!!  (my current dl goal)  There was no fear before, now its there, like a drop of venom, oozing its way into my psyche, every time I walk into the box.....don't get hurt, don't get hurt, is the mantra that drums through my head, and I know it's holding me back, but I won't let it stop me.  Every WOD I complete makes me stronger and more confident, and crushes the fear, at least for a while, and I have no doubt that eventually, it will go away completely.

Strength comes in all sizes

At nine and a half, Maddy, my youngest, is a tiny little princess....at first glance.  Never misses an opportunity to dress up, crawl into my lap, or flash her big brown eyes in a way that makes it hard to say no.  At the same time, she is one of the youngest in her grade doing advanced math and English, getting straight A's with no help (me do it, I believe, was her first phrase!)  and last year, she made the decision to pick up the viola and join the strings orchestra at school.  Whatever she decides to do, she puts 100% into it, watching her do WODs is the best, as she puts the same focus and intensity in her WODs as she does in her academic and musical pursuits.
This past weekend we went to a strings recital, where Maddy was to perform two pieces she has spent quite a bit of time rehearsing, and that she had memorized.  There were several performers, and so the audience seating area was packed.  Maddy has played the piano for 4 1/2 years, and has performed in many recitals, this was not a new experience.

She got on stage, picked up her instrument, looked out at the audience, and froze. For what seemed like forever.  Her eyes then widened, and her face started to break up, and I knew the shit was about to hit the fan, and my eyes started to fill.  At that moment, her teacher ran up to the stage, showed her the music(which had been committed to memory weeks ago!)  and this is where my heart started to break.  It all came back to her, and I could see the looks cross her face, all within an instant, mortification, horror, terror, and finally, determination.  This little 60lb girl dug deeper than I've ever seen anyone dig,  set her jaw, picked up her bow, and played her pieces flawlessly. She bowed to thunderous applause, walked off the stage, and half way to us, she broke down in mortified tears.  I held her for the remainder of the performances while she soundlessly cried in shame and disgust at the betrayal of her mind, she told me she had completely blanked out on stage, could not remember anything until the teacher reminded her with the music.  Meanwhile, I inadequately tried my best to comfort and console, and told her how proud I was that she showed such amazing strength under pressure, and kept it together long enough to perform.  It was not getting through, my perfectionist daughter was appalled with herself, and I was afraid we had just seen her last viola performance.

Jaded Musings was picked as my blog name because, well, I am jaded.  And cynical, and overall disillusioned in humanity.  Over the years, people near and far have disappointed on so many different levels, that I frankly don't have much hope for the future of a considerate and empathetic civilization.  Something happened that night that gave me a glimmer of hope.

As soon as the the last performer was finished, Maddy stood up, she wanted OUT of there ASAP.   As she put her coat on and headed for the door, people got in her way, many, many people. In fact,  she was deluged by people one after another,  people STOOD IN LINE to tell her how impressed they were with her determination to get through what was clearly such an awful situation.  Adult musicians recounted memories of their own to her, of similar moments they had encountered, and of watching fellow musicians deal with this type of situation, and they all said the same thing, that she was a strong, focused and brave, as well as talented, young lady.  We knew no one, these were all strangers, who saw the same combination of mortification and horror and strength in this tiny little creature, who I get to call my daughter.  I stood by in utter and profound amazement and gratitude, and for the first time in a very long time thought that maybe, just maybe, there is hope for the human race.

My fierce but wounded warrior princess walked away with her dignity intact, her chin up and renewed determination.  And I remain in awe of the display of strength she showed.  And maybe just a little less jaded.

The Misery Continues....

Three weeks later, and I'm still not back in RX land.  Hamstring and periformas still not behaving, doc has turned this into an upper body party with no lower bod involvement.  Misery doesn't even BEGIN to convey the way I'm feeling, every day that passes I feel weaker, heavier, and just plain shittier.  Meanwhile, this leg is taking it's sweet time getting better,  the few WODs I have snuck in have been a bad idea in terms of the healing process.  The question now becomes, how many pushups, dips, pullups and situps can a gal do without throwing in thrusters or  WBS, and still keep it together??  Was so jealous yesterday watching my WOD buddies kick out a twisted version of Fran, while I did some push ups and db rows.  Made a mental note to NEVER EVER whine about a WOD, ever again, once I'm up and running.  For now, though, this really blows.

Benched

"Happy New Year" should be the days sentiment, however, I'm not feeling the Happy part.  After 2 1/2 years of showing up at the box, and leaving everything I had to give, every single time, all the while being as careful as possible because I've been terrified of injury, I screwed up.  No definitive dx yet, best case scenario is a first or second degree hamstring pull, might possibly be looking at a tear, will find out on Wednesday.  Been dealing with this for 2 1/2 weeks now, was in denial at first, rested it for a few days, then re injured it while out walking the dog in the snow, and this felt worse then the first episode, which occurred while getting in position for handstand pushups.  Yeah, how crazy is that, no weight involved, no pr being chased, just a sway in the leg on it's way up to the wall, and POP, the WOD was over.

Anyway, have been doing lots of dips, pushups and situps, some strict pullups (can't engage the hip for the kip) and that's about it.  Upper body is sore, lower body feels jiggly, and I'm miserable.  Going to see a doc on Wednesday, everything I've read says 3-6 weeks of rest  for these type of injuries, we'll see what he says.  Not a happy camper.