I was up at 4:30 this morning, my 11 year old, Sophie, had to be at school by 5:45a.m. today to catch a bus headed to Washington D.C. for a school trip. They are scheduled to be away for the day, suppose to be back by 6:30 tonight.
Nothing new about school trips, my kids have been going on them since prek, what IS new is them going without me. I have chaperoned every trip my girls have been on until now. Through a scheduling snafu, I was shut out of this one, and this is no small trip. Mount Vernon in the early part of the day, Arlington National Cemetery later on.
When I realized I could not weasel my way on the buses that only had room for 92 people (I'll stand, or, I'll sit on the floor.... really, I'll fit, I'm fit, I do crossfit....) I tried to tempt Sophie with visions of a perfect mental health day......stay home with mom, sleep as long as you want, we'll go to lunch, have our nails done, go to the book store, shopping, whatever.....JUST DON"T GO WITHOUT ME!!!!! But my sweet, mature, angel of a daughter, who hates getting up early, said "No Mom, I have to go, they'll take points off my grade, and besides, all my friends are going!"
What have I been turning around in my head all week.....bus crashes, mean girls on a long bus ride targeting my baby, obnoxious boys on a long bus ride saying inappropriate things that she barely understands. And once they arrive, what if she gets lost, hurt, is too hot, is too cold, loses her money, gets bit by a stray dog, run over by a car, or kidnapped by a perv. (I saw TAKEN with Liam Neilson, 4 times!!) For days, these thoughts have swirled around my head, and this morning, when I dropped her off, and hugged her, gave my cell number to the chaperone who took MY spot, and asked this woman to not take her eyes off my baby, these thoughts continued to race through my mind like an out of control train careening down the tracks.
I watched as Sophie entered the classroom ahead of me this morning, two girls immedietly flocked her, plans were being discussed, who sit next to who, could she sit between this one and that one, a squeal from a fourth when she realized Sophie was in her group. The teacher approached me, can he help me he inquires, not unless he stays and I go, I reply. He chuckles, and assures me all will be well, it's a very structured trip he tells me, and the train in my mind slows, only a bit. He also tells me what I have grown used to hearing, and what I will never tire of hearing, what a great kid Sophie is, what a pleasure she is, and how bright and mature. I do not thank him for his kind observations, only agree, as I feel I've had little to do with this, she is her own person, I am the fortunate woman who gets to call her daughter. In spite of all my shortcomings as a mother, and there are plenty, this child continues to develop into a person that is easy to love, someone with an innate sense of fairness, a tremendous amount of empathy, someone people gravitate to. My heart literally expands at the thought of Sophie.
I take one more look at her, and she leaves her friends and walks over to me. In her classroom, in front of all her classmates, she hugs me and lets me kiss her. "Be careful sweetheart," I say. "Don't worry Mom, I'll be fine, I love you!" says my 11 year old angel.
It's only 11a.m. Gonna be a long day......
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